Thread: International Council of Man Law

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach, it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
· "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
· "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

All true.

#9

I'm not good with #12...I NEVER wanna fight naked, ESPECIALLY in prison!!!!!

I'm cool with the rest

Rob

I think also there is a rule about no 2 men are allowed on the same motorcycle unless its to get beer

Originally Posted by TrixYesItsMyRealName

I think also there is a rule about no 2 men are allowed on the same motorcycle unless its to get beer

I'm not sure they're even allowed to do that Trix.

Wow thats harsh!!!

Originally Posted by TrixYesItsMyRealName

I think also there is a rule about no 2 men are allowed on the same motorcycle unless its to get beer

BEER?!?!?!!?

The antidote MAYBE!! but beer?? NO

Emergencies ONLY.

Rob

Originally Posted by Blues

BEER?!?!?!!?

The antidote MAYBE!! but beer?? NO

Emergencies ONLY.

Rob

Originally Posted by Kaosccw

Chapter 227.146 of the International Brotherhood of Men states that "any law or amendment, proposed and seconded in a sufficiently manly gather place, shall be made law."


I think we have a new addition men!! HOORAH!!


Rob

Originally Posted by Blues

Chapter 227.146 of the International Brotherhood of Men states that "any law or amendment, proposed and seconded in a sufficiently manly gather place, shall be made law."


I think we have a new addition men!! HOORAH!!


Rob

Well there ya go. New law.

Carrying on with that law here is another about being a wingman

For those of you unfamiliar with the term wingman (Brad Pitt?), he’s basically the guy that goes to lengths to help you get laid, sometimes out of generosity, but more likely because he wants you to help him score that cutie in Psych 101 later that week. The wingman is the guy that you can compare notes with and, with your combined knowledge, actually piece together 30% of the night before.

The wingman can sometimes play “Great Balls of Fire” on the piano and will make witty jokes about Iceman. It’s pretty much certain that the only guy more helpful for a hookup is Jack Daniels.

Like most things in the world, there are two types of wingmen, good and bad. A good wingman is like your favorite pair of flip-flops: indispensable and prepared to get stepped on, while a bad wingman is like computer studies: a curse on your sex life. It is a wingman’s responsibility to achieve any or all of the following; the more of these he does, the greater his abilities and the less likely you’ll be to crash and burn.

• Reconnaissance missions are the most basic form of wingmanship. This includes the unrequited provision of knowledge on the lady in question. He will know or find out as much as he can about the girl, including things like what her course is and whether or not she has a curable STD.

• Women are like hyenas, they travel in packs. A wingman will help you approach this pack so you aren’t flying solo in enemy territory. It is also his duty to remove you if you have no chance, preferably before the less attractive members of the pack feed on you, tearing your street cred apart like the flesh of a wounded buffalo. Bonus points if he does it by dueting “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” by the Doobie Brothers.

• A good wingman will give accurate progress reports such as “Man, it might seem like good advertising, but do up your zipper,” and “Dude when she said, ‘This is my linebacker boyfriend’ it was time to find a different girl.” If he ever says, “I think you should switch to water/soda/non-alcoholic-beverages,” slap him and then translate that to “You’re wasted. Quick, get her drunk too before she notices.”

• "Jumping on the grenade" or "Taking one for the team." Possibly the strongest skill of any good wingman is the ability to take out bogeys. The wingman will take out that jackass who’s cock-blocking or, more likely, the wingman will use any means necessary to distract the sidekick girl(s) of a hottie. Ideally his tactics won’t be limited by morals or ethics, and an excellent wingman may even take home the undesirables. By no means are you banned from humiliating him for doing this, no matter how good his wingman skills were.



• The wingman gives you precedence. Especially necessary when hitting on law students, a good back-up story is the backbone of your success. Good ones include “Oh you study law? Me and my friend here were gonna do that but chose pre-med instead.” Bad ones include “We’re only out because it’s my turn to score after I jumped on a grenade last week for this kid.” Furthermore, the wingman will have all the necessary details down to back your story up and will provide an alibi when the likely “Hey weren’t you that guy that hooked up with my roommate (while nodding in the direction of the grenade)?” question arises.

There is nothing worse than a bad wingman. Cutting more grass than a lawn mower, this guy will unintentionally hit on the hottie and steal the limelight, leaving you balls deep behind enemy lines. It doesn’t matter how well he’s doing or whether he’s gonna score the babe and ride off into the sunset, it is no less than your duty to ruin his chances in a mission of scorched earth. Good anti-mowing tactics include walking up to him and exclaiming loudly, “HEY, HOW IS THAT RASH ON YOUR PACKAGE CLEARING UP?”

A good wingman is an asset and while he may not have the tax benefits of your college trust fund, it is just as necessary to a successful college life. Take notes and hand them out to your boys. You'll thank them later.